Scantily Clad Human on My Cover and Amazon Kindle Scout

So, here’s what’s happening withΒ Hammer Up! previously known as “Stop, Hammer Time!” on myΒ FanFiction page.

In return to my submission of the text and this cover:

I received this email:

which left me quite confused. What is it that they are unhappy with, I asked myself. Is it the clipart drawing of an ancient statue, or my jolly pink floral pattern? (“Well, perhaps, it’s that suggestive, fanny shaped flower to the left,” my partner offered sardonically. Yes, I know. Now you can’t un-see it πŸ˜€ )

I have to say at this stage I was more confused than frustrated. There was still hope that there has been a misunderstanding. But then I thought about it, got annoyed by the alleged Amazon Kindle Scout’s prudeness (it is an example of classic art, you uneducated bigots! I internally screamed in anguish); and I wrote this:

hoping that my sarcasm was appropriately veiled.

I mean, seriously?! What’s next? Putting speedos of Michelangelo’sΒ Rondanini PietΓ ?Β 

And here is the response I received:

Scantily clad humans?! Suggestive of sex or violence?! Are we looking at the same picture?!

Here’s where my temper rose. If they are saying that my scantily clad Aphrodite, demurely covering her lady parts, and her only exposed boob being a line and a dot, could offend and/or traumatise someone on their site – and I assume they mean a minor – then I don’t know where this world is going to! I have a kid in grade one, and I would say the harlequin novel covers with limp damsels in ripped bodices, and men clearly physically overpowering them, are more harmful for my child’s perception of gender relations!

So, currently I’m working on designing a new cover. The following options are considered:

  • an appropriately sized Florina pepper (native to Greece and delicious) with two oranges on the sides. I might go for a small pepper, and two olives, and then just zoom into the picture for the right proportions;
  • an ancient Greek column, visually piercing a curly cloud;
  • suggestively positioned smithery tools.

I’m open to your ideas as well, my darlings!

kkolmakov out!

P.S. Do you think they wouldn’t fuss if it were a MALE god in that picture? Are they just afraid of female partial nudity, or Heph’s nipples would freak them out as well?


  1. Scantily clad human (woman)…snort. So sorry for your problems with amazon .Like, hey, hello, WTF??? Would be hilarious, if it didn’t interfere with your submission. Honestly, what’s wrong with them? Columns and smithery tools might be too suggestive and Florina peppers. Even olives? Scandalous! πŸ™‚ (just kidding). Maybe just go with a close up of Aphrodite’s face imbedded in some Greek landscape, columns and/or hammers decently in the far background? No, seriously, sorry for not being of much help here, but you have my empathy. Good luck with your new cover, you are good at this. πŸ™‚

  2. I don’t see the fuss … and I agree a male on cover wouldn’t have caused an eyelash to bat. But don’t let it get to you … please submit! I can’t see them not accepting it and it’s such a fun, fresh story … Keep us posted to vote!

  3. Just saw that it’s up on Amazon … so I nominated and gave you all five stars except for cover … I couldn’t help being a little rebellious and only giving four stars … just cause I liked original cover better πŸ˜€ I don’t know if you get feedback with names but it won’t be the name here … we have a “household” amazon ….

    1. Thank you! They don’t let me see any results (I bet it’s done so that they can reserve the right to publish or not publish it depending on their mood at the time :S) They don’t show any stats, and actually don’t say how many votes one needs to win. Well, what can we do, right? And I liked the first cover more as well! Although, I giggle every time I look at “Heph” and his taken aback expression. He’s in shock from her gingerness πŸ˜€

      Again, thank you (and your household) for support! Now, we wait 30 days, fingers crossed πŸ™‚

    1. Now that the campaign uploaded fully, I can see the statistics of it too. But they are rather mysterious, don’t you think? πŸ™‚ They tell me how many people looked and how many hours the book was ‘hot and trending’ πŸ™‚ but what does it mean? πŸ™‚ I just hope it does get published! I really wish people would get a free copy!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.